Only two letters, yet it’s hard to say.
I was young when I learned how to nod and simply smile at everything despite being uncomfortable. The first time was a consideration. The next few times became a reflex. Not until it became a routine.
People praised the martyrs. That’s why I made myself available for everyone. I became different versions of myself that I even forgot who I really was. I easily became a doormat for people to step on.
I always kept my eyes open to notice who was in trouble and helped them. I lent them my ears whenever they had something to say. I gave them my words of advice and offered a helping hand to the things I couldn’t even do myself.
I thought I was doing fineㅡthat I could take up a few more favors from others before I could learn to say “No.” But sometimes the weight on my back became heavier and unbearable. I carried the burdens of other people that weren’t even my responsibility.
It was never about kindness, but the need to be liked. I was afraid of losing the connection if I turned them down. Because if I don’t do what their heart desires, who else would I be aside from the hero that they loved?
But I don’t even wear a cape. I can’t save everybody. Just like them, I’m only human. If they truly liked me, they would understand why I would put myself first before them. I shouldn’t feel apologetic for choosing myself this time.
Someday, I will not feel guilty for giving myself a favor. I won’t need a reason. ‘No’ is a full sentence, after all.
