via Niña Kyle Baldano, Pressroom PH
"Who am I if I’m not at the top of the class?"
It’s a quiet kind of breakdown — the one that happens after a “low” score, even if it’s a 92. The kind that creeps in when the recognition list gets posted and your name isn’t there. It’s not about being dramatic. It’s about being so used to applause, you start fearing silence.
It only takes one missed point to make you feel like you’re falling behind. Like you’re no longer enough. And when your worth has been measured by grades for as long as you can remember, it’s hard not to believe it.
Because for people like us?
Academic validation feels like love.
There’s something addictive about achievement. When you see a perfect score, it’s not just a number — it’s a moment of affirmation. A quiet whisper that says, “You’re doing good. Keep going.”
We grow up surrounded by praise. From gold stars in elementary to medals on recognition day, we learn early that success earns love — that high grades make people proud of us. So we chase those numbers, believing that they define who we are.
Until the moment they don’t.
Until someone else ranks higher. Until we fall short. Until we realize that we’ve built our self-worth on something that isn’t permanent.
What happens when we stop being "the smart one"? When our value isn’t validated by awards, ranks, or applause?
That’s when the panic begins.
Suddenly, studying isn’t just about learning — it’s about survival. A 95 isn’t good enough. A missed item feels like failure. You start burning out, but you push anyway. Because who are you if you stop?
This is the dark side of academic validation — when it becomes the only thing you cling to, the only thing that makes you feel like you matter.
But Does That Mean It’s All Bad?
Not at all.
Caring about your grades doesn’t make you toxic or shallow. Wanting recognition isn’t a weakness. It means you’ve worked hard. It means you care. It means you’ve associated achievement with self-worth for so long that it's become your comfort zone.
And that’s okay — as long as you don’t let it consume you.
Because at the end of the day, you are not just a student.
You’re a person with a heart, with limits, with a life outside the classroom. And you deserve to be seen, even when you fall short. Especially when you fall short.
I still feel proud when I get a high score. I still feel bad when I don’t. But I’m learning. Slowly. That my value doesn’t shrink with every mistake. That I can fail and still be worth something. That I’m not here just to impress — I’m here to grow.
So yes, academic validation is my love language.
But I’m learning to love myself even without the applause.
And maybe that’s the kind of validation we all need —
Not from grades, medals, or people…
But from within.
