Dear diary…
It’s always the same passage going through the first line of a page in my favorite notebook–the word that signals the start of a chaos of thoughts and experiences in my day. I sometimes hate it, not having these words come out between these pages, nothing more, nothing less–a secret that only a pen and paper will know.
We can’t deny the fact that every human can experience limited energy; I can testify to how I survive my day, how I cope with everything that comes my way, and how I have to endure it all and keep my life going. Family, peer pressure, and academics are the major reasons why I feel this pain. It’s hard to carry multiple responsibilities and still feel nothing at the end of the day. It’s hard living, and still having to seek fulfillment despite doing the best out of myself.
Finishing a day is a big accomplishment for me. Tired from a 9-hour day at school, I still have to do my responsibilities at home, get my homework done, and sleep an hour before the hooting birds finally fall silent. The next day, another heavy toll awaits. My backpack feels like carrying a 10-kilo sack of rice, and my body is numb. It’s like getting used to it and letting it be for the sake of my growth. My normal day would go in the same cycle. Tired, sleep, live, repeat.
I’m afraid this day will be the end of it all. The words finally came out of my mouth and I said, “I can’t do this anymore,” whispering them into the silent air as if it’s going to give me a reply. Expecting nothing, I slowly close my eyes and let the cold breeze touch my skin as I sit on this green grass, surrounded by nature. Just a moment of silence, and I felt like someone had said something to me. “ I am here, I care for you”.
One thing I have learned from all these experiences is to understand the nature of myself—of us, as human beings. Maybe that is one of my coping mechanisms: to not crash and give up everything after all I have done in this life. And maybe it is also my favorite part of living: because my Savior also experienced and conquered suffering, I am assured that I, too, can have victory. Even when the weight of each day feels unbearable, I choose to rise again, because life, no matter how heavy, doesn’t feel as “living” if it’s not with Him.
